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Sunday, September 28th, 2003
6:40 pm - watch out now...
I'm baaack.......muahhahaha *evil cackle*

So what's been happening with since the last time we spoke?

- Graduated from UCI the past summer
- Working full time as Marketing Assistant now
- Dated several guys and becoming more bitter and jaded after each relationship ended
- A LOT of reflecting, reminiscing, pondering about my past, present and future (mostly planning for my future career)
- Moved into a bigger room in the house and really loving it (although I could use more decorations..it's a bit bare in here!)
- Getting my first full size bed (ohhh how I love the kick ass mattress and my 250 thread count sheets and comforter..I'm in heaven!)

Hmm...this first entry after a hiatus of not writing is getting mighty boring..when I have more to say, I'll post fo sho! For right now, peace out bitches!

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Saturday, January 18th, 2003
6:58 pm - Happy Fucking New Years...
well, it looks like my vacation away from irvine has come to a complete halt. In about an hr, i'll be on my way back to my house in irvine along with the monotonous schedule of school and work.

Everyone keeps telling me that I should just tryyy and make the most out of my last yr...as much as i want to graduate and get the fuck out, i guess i should at least ATTEMPT to be more positive this year and stop bitchin and complaining that much about whatever AILS me in irvine..ahhhh..thats my top new years resolution..to just TRY To be as happy as i can in college.

On the brighter side, two weeks away from school and work have proved to be awesome! i had a great time just sleeping in, lounging around and partying. (last nite i went to gaslamp again and went bar hopping....had about 3 shots *three wise men ahhh* and found myself dancing on the bar counter again..it was reaally slippery and i was skeered so i got down fast haha)i went with one of my hs friends and her friend who is an foreign exchange student..hes in the UCLA MBA program i think..he was waay nice and sweet..insisted on always spottingi us for drinks..opened the car door for me and all..aww..i need to find me some nice Georgian boys hehe (i think he's from a part of Russia called Georgia or something..not sure)

Hanging out with my high school friends is always fun..i feel like even though we are dispersed around the country (LA, new york, berkeley, etc) weve all grown in our own ways and have become even closer since hs..we understand what we are all goin thru and just are on the same PAGE..its difficult to find ppl who u can totally relate to..on the other hand, they can sometimes be quite conservative and anal..blah..one of my friends in particular is reaally judgemental, narrow minded and bitches a lot..she sometimes pisses the hell outta me, but still is a good person to talk to haha..shes a good listener and doesnt tell me to shutup when i bitch and moan haha..i was gonna go to europe with her and my other friend, but i dont think i want to anymore..partly cuzi just want to get school over with (taking summer school) and also cuz i dont think that they are the right ppl to go travelling with...i think im aiming to go to hawaii in august..hopefully, some of my friends cane come.

But seriously..im reaally gonna try hard and focus on gettin shit done this year. Gonna graduate with good grades, job offers (hopefully!!) and a fresh, newfound perspective on life. sometimes i just get myself down and become really focused on the negative aspects of life..i have to keep reminding myself that life is just TOO short to wallow in our own self misery...life is about learning and growing from ur experiences..whether good or bad. we are constantly changing, and im striving my uttermost HARDEST to change for the better..i feel like finishing college is just paving the way to new life for me..i think im outgrown a lot of things this past year and have a new perspective on friendships, relationships, and life in general.

Alright, im gonna get going now...pack up more shiet..havent seen my roomates in a couple of weeks..this should always be interesting..*rolls eyes* hahaha...

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Monday, December 30th, 2002
12:58 pm - *Warning* LONG ASS ENTRY!!!
Events during the past week:

My trip up north was pretty fun despite the fact that i was stuck in the same car with my family practically the entire time..we stayed at a hotel called silver legacy in reno for 2 nights and went boarding the days we were there..reno is only like 30 min away from north lake tahoe

We ended up goin boarding at this local place called Sugarbowl. lemme tell you..that place was OFF THE HOOK..it was def not for begineers cuz the runs were pretty steep and ungroomed..i guess they didnt wanna mess with the natural terrain hehe..it took me a lil while to get used to my new board and boots (stoked on both) so i was a lil rusty for awhile...i go soo fast with my 153 K2...but i still have really good control cause its flexible as fuck..and the conditions at sugarbowl were AWESOME too..powder on a lot of runs, and reaally uncrowded..they had this one back country run where i was the only one there at one part...soo fuckin dope! so i had really fun tearin it up and i wanna go again soon..anyone wanna come with?

After three days at reno/tahoe, we headed down to san jose to pay respects to my grandparents grave and spend xmas with my cousins/aunts. It was nice seeing my lil cousins again (well, they arent exactly "little" they are 17 and 19)and just being with my family...good times! i had some bomb ass chinese food (san diego chinese food sux ass compared to up north chinese food) at this place called Dynasty on Xmas Eve. Unfortunately, we had to go back home on xmas cuz my brother had work the next day..ok this is when the hell starts..

On the way back from san jose, my brother gets food from this place called "taco time" that was located in a fuckin gas station. Keep in mind that this gas station is in the middle of timbucktoo...i remember thinking in the back of my mind "hmm..i wonder if this food is safe to eat.." but i was hungry and chowed down on the nachos anyway...oook..baad idea..my stomach started hurting a couple hours later, but i still managed to scarf down a huuuge meal of greasy stir fried chinese food and dumplings..*gags* by the time i got back to san diego my stomach reaally fucking hurt..at first i thought it was just that i ate too much..so i layed down and tried to "rest" the pain off..it didnt help :/ i had a sharp pain in my stomach and it would NOT go away..

Let's make a long (and sickening) story short..i basically puked my entire dinner out that night..it was sooo nasty..i woke up at like 3 am to puke..ewww..at least i didnt puke in my sleep..but yeah i felt sooo sick the next day..fuckin taco time! grrr..oh well...

Alright, so the barforama happened on wed nite and i was debating whether or not to go to someones 21st bday party on friday..fri rolled around and i felt pretty much fully recovered..i guess i was lucky and it lasted for 24 hrs..the party was for a guy i used to date a couple months ago..he has been iming me recently and been saying that he wants to become "homies again" and start chillin with me..he would really appreciate if i could come to his 21st party (he lives in costa mesa..about 15 min north of irvine) and he said he wants me to meet one of his friends or something..at first i was like ehhh naww ill just take a raincheck and buy u a drink when i go up to irvine..thennn i got a voicemail from my coworker (the one who introduced me to the guy i dated) asking if im goin..now i felt kinda obligated to go..i didnt have anything better to do that nite so i decided on going..i dragged one of my friends up with me hehe..

What a fucking waste of gas, time and effort. I show up with a bottle of raspberry citron and the bday guy (guy i dated) doesnt even say thank you or didnt even say hi to me when i got in..i felt reaally unwelcome and like the "Ex" or something..it was fucking bullshit. there was so much tension..oh did i forget to mention that his GIRLFRIEND was there..the hoe turned around, looked at me and like turned back around..didnt even say anything to me of course..there were like 8 guys there and they were all loozers..they looked like they belonged in high school...arghhh...bday guy was acting SO stupidly..i wanted to slap him..he kept on flirting with his gf and didnte ven acknowldege me..he KNEW i came up from fuckin san diego just to say "whats up" since he kept begging me to come up..now he just pretends i dont exist..i was furious. that is so disrespectful and rude! 30 min later my friend saves me and says one of our friends needs help..ahhaha so we get the fuck out and go to the spectrum..on the bright side, we had some reaally good spinach dip :) nummy...first solid food in days!

Thennn last night..hoooly shit i was ALMOST as wasted as i was on my bday nite..lets just say..i was preettty gone..ranked slightly behind bday night..i was supposed to go clubbing with some of my hs friends at this place in gaslamp..but i went to the clubs website and it said that it was 70s/80s night and i was ehh i dunno about that...i dont think i can hang with that type of cheezy music the whole night...plus i was feelin a bit tired and stuff..my other friend didnt wanna go cuz she had a huge migraine..buttt the girl who invited us just told us to come and that she wouldnt stay that long..she just was goin cuz her friend really wanted to go..

The place (Have a Nice Day Cafe) wasnt too bad..it was more of a bar than a club..the dance floor was really small, and yes, they did play 70/80s music (but some shitty but danceable "top 40s") the ppl were pretty friendly and we got in early so we had the priviledge of partaking in happy hour drink specials! 2 dolla well drinks!!! i had waaay too much to drink that nite..(all on an empty stomach and recently recovered food poisioned tummy)RECAP: buttery nipple, cough syrup tasting shot, midori sour, two test tube shots, some jungle juice, 2 tequilla shots (bartender poured it into my mouth for freee hehe that was kinda fun :P), and a lemon drop..i think the lemon drop finished me off haha..

On the better note, i met a nice, respectful blonde dude with a cute smile!..i was eyeing him and i saw he was checking me out..i wasnt about to go say sup to him..he should go up to me first!!! :P then next thing i knew, i was dancin by myself and he came right up to me..his name is grant, and hes a professional golfer hehe..hes 24 and hes pretty dope..i wouldnt mind hanging out with him..gave him my numba but i dont think hes gonna remember me or even call..blehhh...but i have his numba..i dunno about calling him though..he said he will call me today so we can watch lord of the rings..im not expecting nothin though. That would be nice if he did call though :)

oh, and i danced on the bar last nite ! ;) ive always wanted to do that..i finally just did it..it was kinda fun but scary at the same time. I felt like i was gonna fall off and felt like a piece of meat cuz guys were cheering at my ass! ahhaa..i was holding onto this metal railing with my deal life and got down a few min later..couldnt dance that much cuz i was scared of falling :P ill leave that up to the white chicks..they dont seem to care about falling as much hahahaa...

Alright im gonna do some laundry now..im not even gonna party hard this new years..i already abused my body way too much..its time to treat it nicely :)my friend is having some small get together at her phat house..dont mind chilin around for new years..she mentioned karaoke and im SO THERE! peace ya'll

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Saturday, December 21st, 2002
8:02 pm - I'm goin goin back back to cali cali
Well kiddies, I'll be heading off to Tahoe tomorrow morning for a family trip! wheee!!! we all know how fun those are hehe...we rented an SUV cuz we are gonna drive up there, and need something reliable/spacious. I'm stoked cuz this yr i got my own board and boots (omg...i waited till the VERY last minute and ALMOST got assed out..but thank the lord, i got my dope ass northwaves on time and in the right size! talk about cuttin it close..had em shipped 2 day air)

Looking forward to seein the wonderful white blanket of snow..it'll be a good escape away from the monotony and boredom that has encompassed my life the past couple of weeks..nothing better than gliding down the packed powdery slopes on a cool winter day...ahhh..gotta love the smell of mountain air.

I'm spending Christmas with my cousins that live in San Jose. My mom told me the main reason why we are going to San Jose is to visit my grandparents grave :/ we havent paid respects in awhile..

Hope i come back from my trip in one piece :) see ya'll later

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Sunday, December 15th, 2002
11:17 pm - P.S.
Cyrus is the SHIT, YO!!!

hehe, that was my lame shout out for the day.. :P

*hugs super C* :)

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11:03 pm - what I need to do..
Ok...ive come to the conclusion that i need to stop WALLOWING in my own self misery and just suck it up..i need to face the fact that I wont always get what i want and basically stop being a whiny spoiled lil bitch.

I need to stop comparing my life with my friends. So what if they have boyfriends and i dont? i should be happy for them and stop acting like a bitter, jealous girl..with all this negative karma im exuding, who would want me anyway? i think its time that i dig myself out of the hole that im currently digging..all this time im spending feeling sorry for myself can be spent trying to better myself and my hone my skills..

But yeah, im gonna try to be more positive from now on and look on the brighter side of things..my pessimist side is really starting to come out...blahhh...

And I need to stop being so godamn impulsive i just bought a 50 dollar snowboarding bag today and its way too big and doesnt even have padding! gonna return that tomorrow..annd im gonna return the burton boots i bought cause i dont think they are worth 150 and i can get a better pair for that price or even LESS..im gonna try some on tomorrow at sports chalet

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Saturday, December 14th, 2002
4:45 pm - blah...
I spent over 280 bucks today buying snowboarding shiet..i probably couldve saved over 100 bucks, but i waited till the last minute to get stuff..i got a pair of burton boots (160) they are baby blue and suuper comfy..i got a pair of angel goggles and burton gloves..all the stuff i got was good quality though

My ex called me last night..he thought we were gonna hang out..again, there was much miscommunication involved and i think he thought i was dissing him..he IMd me wed night and told me to call him on thurs to figure out plans..course i dont have his number and he wasnt online that day..sooo he sounded kinda pissed off after i called him back (he called twice but i didnt hear it ring) whatever..im soo tired of him. i dont think i can be friends with him at the moment. he always makes me feel like shit and that its MY fault things dont work out. i really dont care anymore and goes to show that he hasnt grown up at all..sad *sigh* almost 24 and still soo many problems..i mentioned that ill be up in irvine next week and he said to give me a call..ehhhh at this point i dont really feel like seeing him..whateverrr...time to find new guys...but where the FUCK are they?

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Wednesday, December 11th, 2002
11:44 am - *sniffle*
Well, I'm still sick...but at least my glands arent as swollen as before..going home today after my final (which i barely studied for..hey, im taking the class pass no pass!) i packed up all my stuff and im going home to sd for some TLC from my mommy..i aint goin to work the rest of the week..i just wanna be alone :(

whyy do i feel like i want a boyfriend right now?? hrmm?? i dont know if its a boyfriend...but im reaaally sick of meeting losers left and right..the past 4 yrs ive been in college i dont feel like ive met a guy who ive reallly connected with and just "clicked" i havent met a guy who i just felt totally at ease with..i dont even want a boyfriend in actuality..just a guy to talk to for hours on end, and have fun with..arghh..its so depressing when ur friends start hookin up with guys who are so WHOOPED over them...and ur stuck alone wallowing in your own misery

Now i bet ur telling me "why dont u just get off ur lazy ass and start meeting new guys?" well, my friend, if it were as easy as that..i wouldve met at least a dozen by now..ive learned that u cant "force" urself to get close to ppl or even meet ppl for that purpose..its like the more u try to meet new cool ppl, the less of a chance it'll happen..i dont like meeting guys at bars/clubs cause most are just sleazy and want to fuck u for the night..i dont have a group of close guy friends at college, and the ones from HS dissipated..im getting frustrated and bored but i dont know what to do about it..i sure as hell know that sitting around and complaining aint gonna do nothin, but this is my journal and im allowed to rant.

*SIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGH*

I sure do hope things will pick up for me...but i'm sure as hell not crossing my fingers..

Monotony, boredom, loneliness and frustration are the boyfriends in my life right now... :/

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Monday, December 9th, 2002
10:11 pm - ffaaackk..
I love it how i seem to catch every virus thats going around..im sick *again* this time my glands are all swollen, and im sure there will be lots of nasal drainage within the next couple of days..not sure how i got this illness..it seems like its "circulating" around everywhere anyway...my boss has it, my friends have it, my bros gf had it..couldve been a combo of all of them..anyhoo..

I think i have the "winter blues" just this past week, ive been feeling extremely lonely/depressed/sad/frustrated with everything..school, work, friends, not having anyone to cuddle with :'( i know what yer thinking.."boo fucking hoo" well this is my journal, fucker, and im allowed to vent! It's gotten so bad that i was desperate enuff to resort to my ex and inevitably go back to square one..ehehe ill share the metaphor i was so eloquently describing to my roomate earlier tonight..

i was like "hooking up with my ex is like a metaphor to building this complicated and elaborate card house (made outta poker playing cards) that took soo long to build..and one wrong move can make it come crashing down. now how does this relate to my ex? well, for me, the past couple of months, i really dug deep within myself, and faced my true feelings of hurt/bittenerss/disappointment and like meticulously piecing together the house, card by card..i pieced together my strength to finally get over him and move on..now right now the card house is built, but its not solid..one swift move, and it willl all come crashing down..am i willing to let the card house come crashing down over just one stupid fling with my ex? I just feel empty right now, and want to reach out to ANYTHING that responds to me..i think its best to just wallow in my own misery and not cave into any type of temptation..its soo easy for me to do that next week considering no one will be at my house, and ill be all alone..

On the other hand, whos to say that my ex will even WANT to hook up with me?? maybe he doesnt see me the way he used to see me..im just goin on the assumption that he will always find me physically attractive..after all this time, maybe hes lost his attraction to me, who knows..all in all, i know that its probably a bad idea to go out with him even if i think im 100% over him..i need to just keep myself occupied and not become desperate and settle for ANYTHING....its hard to avoid the temptations when u feel like ur all alone though :(

*sigh*

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12:04 am - thoughts..thoughts..and more random ramblings..
whyyyyy do i overanalyze and overthink almost everything??/ whyyy does it feel like sometimes my head is wound up in a knot? oh yeah, cuz im a neurotic nutcase! *sigh* just a warning: the following consists of a multitude of disorganized, scattered, nonsensical rambling at its finest :)

After talking to Cyrus (Super C! :P) tonight, ive realized a lot of things about myself..i mean ive always known that i am wishy washy, but he made me realize how it can really be detrimental to me if i dont watch it..for example, sometimes i get in this "gung ho"/overly enthusiastic mode where i think i can do whatever i want, and its going to be all great and shiet..but truth be told, i end up getting hurt, and my "plans" come smashing down..

I admit, I am definitely a person driven by impulse. if i see something at a store that i like, and even if its full price, ill just buy it on whim (sometimes i dont even end up wearing/using that item a lot..) I tend to let my *sometimes* irrational emotions override my rationale side, and basically i FUCK SHIT UP. I need to think more before i speak, act, and feel...oh, and speaking of "feeling" emotions..Cyrus also brought up another valid point about myself..

I tend to bury my true emotions underneath a facade...this mask is the "I'm-a-strong-girl-and-I-don't-give-a-shit" type of attitude where i pretend something doesnt bother me, but deep down inside, its gnawing away at me :( for the longest time, i wasnt over my ex, but played it off like he was nothingto me, and i could FORCE myself to get over him..i like being in control, and i tried to control my feelings of gettin over him...when i found out that didnt work, i just opened myself up and let myself feel pain/bitterness/disappointment/etc i mean yeah it hurt but i think it also made me grow and become stronger in the process..

Right now, i think im going through a weird phase again..i feel like my life is going through one huge mother fuckin rollercoaster..sometimes everythings going fine..im going straight on the tracks..then other times i feel like i just went through 3 loops, 4 180 spins, and 5 vertical drops (hehe like my technicality?) right now i guess i feel slightly disillusioned..i dont know who my true friends are..im growing increasingly distant from my roomates..im confused about my ex situation..

Ok, about the ex..why should i be confused? I am definitely over him..meaning i know he lacks the qualities i look for, hes not the one, and i should just move on with my life, right? I mean thats what i THINK i should feel..tonight i IMd him and kinda vented my frustrations at the moment (with friends etc) and of course he had nothing insightful or helpful to say..why would i even want to talk to someone who has nothing of value to say to me and let alone hurt me so badly in the past? sometimes i really dont get myself..its like i become so desperate for ANYTHING sometimes that i just cling onto whatevers available..my ex is the last personi would turn to for advice..and yet, i mentioned to him that i want to hang out with him next week?

I just think that i want to test myself. Prove to myself that I, once and for all, am 100% over him, and feel "empowered" by the fact that i can face my so call "enemy" that ive resented so much the past couple months. But as Cyrus said, i cannot delude myself into escaping from my true feelings..i admit, hypothetically speaking, if i were to meet up with him, and he proved to be highly articulate, insightful, and deeply intellectual in a profound way, i would really look at him differently...and maybe even want to get back with him..butttt i am NOT holding my breath cause the last few IM convos with him just reminded me of how he was like when we were dating..dense, atrocious spelling/grammar and nothing insightful to say..i guess im longing for a sense of closure..some DEFINITELY book slam..like BAM..its over..perhaps i dont NEED to see him to obtain that feeling of closure..maybe i can just find it within myself to let him go..i dont think seeing him will resolve that much..hes still the same person as he was before..

But on the other hand *playing devils advocate here heh* it is a sign that im completley over him if i can hang out with him and talk to him civilly? does the fact that i can see him face to face, and look him straight in the eyes mean that i dont feel like i have to run awya from him any longer? theres so many questions that i dont have the answer to..i dont think ill ever have the answers..i always try to find some sort of truth..try to make sense of what doesnt make sense to me..im so used to piecing together the peices that have broke..maybe this time i should just not overthink/overanalyze the circumstances around my ex and let it slide...

or maybe i should just shut the fuck up...i think i have too much time on my hands anyway :D

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Thursday, December 5th, 2002
1:06 am - tired and stressed..*sigh*
Godamn, I am so itchy for some reason..maybe cause i'm stressed and tired..arghh i emailed my boss saying that im not going into work today...i need sleep dude..so much more shit to do...i still gotta study more for my final/quiz today..arghh

Ok, enough about boring shiet...whats been happening lately for me?

I reaally think i should stay away ALL guys right now..i mean i keep on getting all these red flags but i seem to ignore them. Here are some updates:

Ex: Recently he's been Iming me a lot..i have no idea why but it got annoying when he asked me if i wished we had gone on trips together when we were dating..at first i was like what is the point of me even thinking about it right now when the relationship is over..ive moved on, grown etc..then i thought that i was being a lil too harsh so i started being nicer..haha..he was like well i miss you blah blah and wish we can hang out with as friends..at first i was like well i wish we hadnt broken up in such a shitty way, and i was like maybe we can hang out as friends..i was just thinking wishful thoughts i think cause i knew that i didnt really want to hang out with him..

Ive realized that the door is finally SHUT, and hanging out with him can unleash a whole range of emotions within in that i never knew existed..on top of that, it can open the door that took so long for me to close..MOREOVER, i dont really enjoy hanging out with them that much cause hes not a good conversationalist and we arent even on the same "wavelength" we are 2 different people who dont belong together. I dont need to accommodate him into my life..hes out of it for a reason and ive been a lot happier without him...growing, exploring, maturing on my own. I know theres a lot more guys out there that will make me happier than him..for right now, i stand confidently by my words that he is NOT what i look for in guys..

Coworker hot friend: remember how i was ranting and raving about the steaming hot guy i met last week? Well on monday, i mentioned him to my coworker and i asked if he was a player..my coworker was like why dont u call him, and he gave me his number (this was thru IM) i was like uhh no..he was like well i just told him that i gave u his number..at that point i was like hrmm maybe...so then flash forward to tonite..i finally get the guts to call the guy and my worst case scenario just happened..

Summary of convo:

*ring ring ring*

Guy: Hello? *sounds kind of uneasy*
Me: May I speak to W***** please?
Guy: Yeah? (Sounds more uneasy)
Me: This is Christine, Matt's coworker..we met last week at Chilis
Guy: *silence*
Me: Did Matt tell you that he gave me your number??
Guy: No, he didn't at all..he didn't tell me anything
Me: *thinking* (OH MY FUCKING GOD..MY NIGHTMARE CAME TRUE)
Me: Are you serious? He just gave me your number, and told me to call you...

AWKWARD AWKWARD AWKWARD MOMENT

i seriously thought i was going to die..my stupid fucking coworker is an ass!! he set me up for embarassment..ughh its all good though hot guy wasnt very articulate and sounded not too bright. Thank god im a sharp talker cuz even though i was embarassed as fuck., i still managed to pull it off..when he asked how the number even got brought up with my coworker and i, i managed to play it off..i was like oh i just mentioned that i though it was cool that ur from sd...and my coworker gave me ur number and i thought that it'd be cool to have a new FRIEND to hang out with...and i told him that i think my coworker gave me his number cause he didnt actually think i was gonna call..anyway long story short, he finally ended the pitiful convo by saying he was going to call matt and bitch at him ahha..i deleted his number from my phone shortly after..i think that was the shortest time any person has been on my phone list..anyway...arghhh must stay away from all guys..they are evil

On the happier note, last night i went to see our lady peace at canes..it was SO GREAT..there were only like 100 ppl there, and i was 10 ft away from the lead singer..i miss the intimate shows..theres nothing like being at a small place with a kick ass band..i didnt know most of the songs but its all good cause i was feelin the music...there was no moshing..it was very very chill..well olp isnt a punk band anyway..but duuude lemme tell u about the lead singer..mannn he is one very SEXY mother fucker..i wanted to hump him the entire time! hehe..he looked like a god..the way he held the mike by kinda swaying and doin the brandon boyd thing.. and the way the lights shone on him made him like like other wordly..hard to explain..but yeah my friend and i managed to get this drunk white chick to getus drinks haha..these 2 girls took shots of 151 and i was like damn ur hardcore..then they took me and my friend to the bar and got us drinks..hey i aint complainin!

Ok its gettin late...time to go to bed..i aint going to work tomorrow..i need my sleep to function..its gonna be a looooong day...*siiiiigh* that means i can just party hardier this weekend...so close yet so farr away...

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Friday, November 29th, 2002
2:19 pm - bizzored
Hello, i am bored off my ass right now so im goin to make a lil list of all the bands I've seen live:

- NSYNC (I was a junior (or senior?) in HS...leave me alone!)
- Save Ferris
- Blink 182
- Unwritten Law
- Fenix Tx
- MXPX
- Rx Bandits
- H20
- New Found Glory
- Something Corporate
- Lit
- Sugar Ray
- Sprung Monkey
- No Doubt
- Garbage
- Distillers
- Further Seems Forever
- Finch
- Sugarcult
- 98 Degrees (haha they came to our HS and everyone was booing them, it was sad..but I got a picture with them hehe)
- Greenday
- Jack Johnson

Soon to see:

- Our Lady Peace 12/3
- Ataris/Rufio/Sugarcult (?) 12/10

I need to go to more shows..I haven't gone to many last year..

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12:43 pm - back in "daygo" eww I said "daygo"
Well kiddies, I finally am back where I belong...home sweet home in San Diego...can only stand so much of OC.

Last nite i went to Dave and Busters..it wasnt what i expected..i thought it would be different...like a nice bar, and nice video arcade area..it wasnt that nice..ehh..but at least i got to meet my friends long-time boyfriend..theyve been going out since they met in music school in london..so its been probably 5 yrs? almost 6? yeah..they are prolly gonna get married..i think they make a really cute couple..they are both halfees hehe..my friends half thai/white and hes half chinese/white..hes def got the cynical brit humor going on..we all had some drinks..i got a screaming orgasm (wish i had some REAL ones though..hehe) i think it had like kahlua, baileys, vodka, and something else..but it was nummy! so we played a few games, and my friend and her bf left early cause he was jetlagged (came all the way from london) and her stomach hurt..i played a few more games with my friend who i came with, and we called it a night.

Later today im goin to my cousins house waay in the boonies (she married a Native American and they live on the Indian Reservation) she cooks really damn good food though, and we are supposed to go gambling at one of the Indian casinos afterward..goooo Kuei family hehe..

Ok, I didn't WANT to make a small rant about this guy i met a couple days ago, but hes so amazingly smoking that i have to say something. On Tues, I met up with some coworkers to go to Happy Hour at Chilis..Matt and Evelyn. Matt mentioned that his friend is coming to meet us there cause he kinda wanted to hook the friend and Evelyn up. I was kinda curious as to what his friend looked like cuz Matt said that he could model..i was thinking ehh he probably looks like every other white dude.

So his friend finally makes it to Chilis, and i see matt waving him over..im not about to turn around to check him out, so I just sat there waiting for him. OMG..i thought i was goin to DIE when i saw this HOT guy. He was drop dead GORGEOUS. hes like hotter than brad pitt cause hes younger and has a nice complexion. He had these amazing blue eyes that like sparkled..soo pretty..tan, toned (goood bod underneath i can tell), pretty tall (5'11ish), SMILE TO DIE for with perfect teeth, and dirty blonde spiky hair. I started kicking Evelyn when he got to the table, and she was in awe too..oh btw, the hotties name is Warren :P so evelyn and i excuse ourselves to go to the bathroom, and she was like hes sOOOO FIOOONE...how do i look? she was all nervous it was funny..i was just laughing at her..so warren seemed to be checkin out evelyn in the beginning..shes def got the south american "Exotic" look going on..i think shes peruvian or something..anyway..then when matt left, and it was just us three, i felt like we were on an episode of dismissed or something..hehe..I mentioned san diego, and he said he was from PB! i almost died..thats what im talking about..the hottie is representin SD...PB BABY! then i told him im from del mar, and he knew i went to TP..i talked about how much i love sd..i bodyboard, etc etc..it was like the other girl didnt exist hehe..me and him were having a good time..thennn after a bit, we all took off..damnit i wanted to get his number or something but that would be rude cuz the girl was supposed to get hooked upwith him..i guess he didnt dig her cause h e stopped talking to her halfway through..hehe..but godamn, if only i can see him one more time..he lives close to me too...newport and pb!! ahh..but im sure he gets girls up the ass, and im sure hes a player..part of me is like let him go..the other half is saying get his number, girl!! ehh i dunno about it..most likely, im gonna let it go cause i dont wanna deal with another playaaaaa...

Tomorrow night, im goin out with my SD friends..im kinda curious to see how it turns out cause they arent hardcore partyers..hehe..oh well, at least we can all hang out together..im just expecting to get a couple drinks, and have a good time dancin at pb bar and grill..no expectations, right?

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Sunday, November 24th, 2002
3:58 pm - another thing..
No Doubt played more songs than I thought they would play from tragic kingdom..they played dont speak spiderwebs just a girl sunday morning and excuse me mr. That album was still the best by far..

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1:48 pm - wow wow wow....WOW!
The No Doubt show was the best concert I've EVER been to..hands down. I was kinda skeptcial about them cause i normally wouldnt go to a huge mainstream concert act like them, but i decided to be open minded and give em a chance..i also dont like going to huge arenas cause it lacks the intimate feel of a small club/venue. plus, i dont really like their stuff post tragic kingdom..i found it too poppy and reggae for my taste..so i wasnt that stoked about the concert.. but jeeez was i wrong...they blew my mind outta the water!!

Their set lasted for almost 2 hours, and every minute of it was filled with energy, quality music, great entertainment, kick ass performance, the whole shibang...this shit was dope i have to admit..and ive been to my share of rock/punk concerts. I loved how there was so much variety..they played some songs you can rock out to, and then some acoustic sets! i liked the way they used the picture collage thingy..it mightve been cheezy, but i think it threw in a good element to the mix..

Gwen is just captivating. She is sassy, electrifiying, talented, aweesome voice (sounds just like the CD!!) and just got a fantastic stage performance..dont forget about the other guys..adrian, tony, and tom (and the two black dudes..dont know their names..) all got their own personalitis too..they just play so WELL together..every member adds a certain element to the bands flavor. I cant believe how much i was dancing to "hey baby" even though i HATE that song cause its so lame, i just had to dance cause it sounded so good live..ahahhah so sue me :P

Dude they are such a tight live band...i still cant get over how good they are..they mosh pit was HUGE..in the beginning, my friend and i were in the middle (10 ft away from gwen) and we couldnt breathe cause everyone was pushing up so hard against us..but later on, the pit kinda calmed down, and ppl didnt push up as much.

This band has got my full respect. I normally dont expect bands who reached such a degree of popularity to "Care" about putting on good shows, but No Doubt fucking rock my socks off. if you have the chance to see them, go do it. Even if they arent ur favorite band (they arent one of mine) before the end of the night, they will be at the end.

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Saturday, November 23rd, 2002
3:30 pm - three words: oh my god
I don't really remember last night too well..more like bits and pieces..lotsa people, lotsa drinking, losta driving..

highlights of the night:

- seeing my friend that I've known since i was 8..jess is dope!
- even though i wasnt "technically 21" yet, ordering the vanilla sky martini all by myself :P (just the fact that i ordered it myself made it taste yummy)
- Getting into the bar at exactly 12 and having the bouncer say "Happy Birthday Girl!" hehe thats always good when ur not getting rejected
- walking around Dublins drunk outta my mind, not really knowing whats going on..hahaha the night was really a blur.....

ONE THING I DO REMEMBER VIVIDLY:

- Feeling like complete and utter SHIT on the way back home..i was like feeling queasy and just sick..I think the newcastle i had earlier that day, martini during dinner, long island (that i downed in 2 min..it was really strong..at least 4-5 shots..at LEAST) kamikaze and midori sour decided to have a little war in my stomach..more like HUGE war actually..and im a LIGHTWEIGHT too!
- Trying to sober up at my house,but feeling worse and worse..i regressed to sitting in my roomates bed, staring at the wall and just zoning out..my roomates were like omg u look so bad...i wouldnt even respond when they asked if i was doing ok..i just kept staring with the blank expression.
- around 3ish..i think i hit rock bottom i couldnt take it anymore..my stomach turned into complete mush..i felt like the shit needed to get out.
- My roomate looked at me straight in the eye and was like "do you need to puke." i went into the bathroom, took one look at the toilet and just let everything go..i didnt even try aiming i just puked everywhere..on the seat, floor, my pants..it was really really bad!
- My roomates came in and were like omg..i cant breathe..hahaha of course vomit smells sick...everyone knows this..i felt bad for them they had to clean it all up :( never again am i drinking that much so fast again..im gona pace the shit next time haha..omg..no more drinking for at least a couple of days for me..poor stomach
- Going to see No Doubt tonight..hopefully i will have fun even though im pretty fucking drained..

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Friday, November 22nd, 2002
5:15 pm - A lil note...
This is my journal, and if you don't agree with what I have to say, it's not my problem. This is how I feel, and I ain't tryin to "adjust" it to make myself look better, worse, superior, or inferior to anyone. If you got beef with me, bring it or shut the fuck up.

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Thursday, November 21st, 2002
11:54 pm - this might sound weird but...
Why do I want this year to end so badly??? I'm just tired of everything..

I'm sick of work. I know I should be grateful that I have a job, but for the past couple of weeks, I feel like I haven't been learning anything new, and I'm not being mentally challenged. Lack of stimulation (MENTAL, you sickos!:P) makes Christine a very ancy girl...I hate just sitting around and pretending to be busy..arghh...I wish I could start a new project, or just be more involved..I know I'm only a PT worker, but I wish i just contributed more..compared to my other coworkers, I don't feel like i do jackshit..ehh but i dont care..im gettin paid..im just gonna keep working here until i get fired or something..ahaha thats not a very good mentality but gotta think that way nowadays..i cant bitch too much though..my boss is way nice, i wear jeans everyday, listen to tunes all day, and my coworkers are easy to get along with..hrrm..maybe im just being spoiled

I'm sick of this godamn FUCKING SCHOOL! It hasn't been my "scene" from day 1, and it still isnt my scene. I refuse to conform..at a school like this, its very very easy to just stop bein yourself, and caving into the whole "UCI bullshit" What bullshit is it may u ask? Well, basically in a nutshell UCI = the congregration of Asians who were:

A) Rejected from UCLA/UCB/UCSD etc (hey, i wholeheartedly admit it..im a UCLA, UCSD reject..but this is my point..)

B) Asians coming from mostly predominantly Asian High schools, and just wanting to continue their lifestyle i guesss..they wanna be the majority i guess at college too and just go here cause they know they will dominate over all races (lame but true..trust me..im not bullshitting..)

C) asians who were losers/rejects/outcasts in high school and not want to become popular in college. most of these dumbasses join Asian frats/sowhorities..or just try to get to know everyone and become "popular" this is utterly ridiculous to me..its like GROW THE HELL UP u stupid FUCKER..this isnt HIGH SCHOOL anymore..i dont give a shit if you think you are "popular" in my eyes, ur just a insecure little bitch who is just conforming to what u think is "cool" be yourself, jackass

i am just SOO FUCKING TIRED Of the homogenous, undiversified (is this even a fucking word?!) CLOSE MINDED mother fuckers arghh..im gonna scream...ive NEVER felt like i found my niche here..i never wil, but i dont really care..im just kinda saddened that i spent my entire college career hating the student body..

I mean shit..everyday i walk around and just laugh to myself..i see all these ppl trying to be SO cool..flashy cars..trendy cars..the girls wear CLUBBING clothes to class..the asian guys pretending to be black "sup DAWG" i saw one asian guy trying to rap..PATHETIC..i was laughing cause he was SO bad..i dont even know what bad rap is, but that was just plain shit..stick to your rice rocket, boy.

in a nutshell, if you arent into the "asian scene" (all asian parties, conforming to eveyone else, disliking white ppl, hanging out with all asians, etc etc) you aint gonna fit in here..i dont even care about fitting in..its not that..its just getting along with the majority of the student population, which i clearly cant..i stand out like a sore thumb with my punkish/skaterish clothes but i really dont care..that makes me just want to be myself even more..arghh im tired as fuck and i shouldnt be this way cause iill be partying it up tomorrow..dont konw if anything made sense..

I'm just sick and tired of UCI bullshit..when can i go to a real school? :/

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Wednesday, November 13th, 2002
4:59 pm - grr...
FUCK. SHIT.

After meeting with my professor today, she decides that I basically have to "re-organize" AKA REWRITE HALF THE FUCKING THING to included my "epanded ideas" fuck an A...oh well...gotta do what she wants cuz she's the one grading it..not the TA (oh gawd, i wish he would grade the papers, and not her!! EASY A!!)

I'm in a shitty mood, and I don't wanna deal with this..bye

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Tuesday, November 12th, 2002
9:55 pm - In place of studying..
I'm gonna fill this out! :P

// series one - as usual
-- Name: Christine
-- Birthdate: 11/23/81...that's right bitches..i'm turning 21 NEXT FUCKING SAT! WOO HOO!
-- Birthplace: Best place in the entire world..San Diego (sigh)
-- Current Location: Fuckin Irvine (BLEH)
-- Eye Color: dark brown
-- Hair Color: dark brown/black
-- Righty or Lefty: righty-o
-- Zodiac Sign: sagg...(not sure how to spell it!)
-- Innie or Outtie: i used to be an outtie, now im an innie

// series two - describe
-- Your heritage: Chinese American, ABC
-- The shoes you wore today: navy blue Osiris' with grey laces..i love these shoes..i wear them 24/7
-- Your hair: as always..down
-- Your weakness?: being too critical toward others and myself
-- Your fears: not having anyone on my side
-- Your perfect pizza: pizza hut cheeez pizza with CHEESE filled crust..NUMMY CHEESE!
-- One thing you'd like to achieve: be fully satisfied with myself

// series three - what is
-- Your most overused phrase on aim: sup
-- Your thoughts first waking up: it's early, and i have to go to work
-- The first feature you notice in the opposite sex: overall prescence (whatever that means)
-- Your best physical feature: my physique? i dunno
-- Your bedtime: weekdays, 12ish..weekend..1-2ish
-- Your greatest accomplishment: learning from my mistakes, moving on, and growing up

// series four - you prefer
-- Pepsi or coke: water
-- McDonald's or Burger King: mommys cooking
-- Single or group dates: never been on a group date..seems like it'd be fun..
-- Adidas or nike: volcom, rusty, and o'neill
-- Lipton Ice Tea or Nestea: water
-- Chocolate or vanilla: chocolate foo
-- Cappuccino or coffee: hot cocoa
-- Boxers or briefs: eww just say NO to tighty whities

// series five - do you
-- Smoke: cloves only when im drunk..and NO I dont inhale!
-- Cuss: FUCK yeah!
-- Sing well: i can tear up the karoke floor anyway
-- Take a shower everyday: of course!
-- Have a crush(es): nope
-- who are they: yo mama
-- Do you think you've been in love: yeah, but i know that i def can love someone more...
-- Want to go to college: not really...im sick of school, and im really glad to get out
-- Like high school: i hated high school more than college
-- Want to get married: eventually when im established with my career and everything is stable...
-- Type w/ your fingers on the right keys: all the time baby (i think i type 65 WPM!)
-- Believe in yourself: cant say i always do, but i know i have to
-- Get motion sickness: only when i go on rollercoasters
-- Think you're a health freak: no way..but im trying to eat healthier now..
-- Get along with your parents: i seem them more as friends than parents now..our relationship is a lot better now cuz ive grown up and matured
-- Like thunderstorms: only when im indoors and warm
-- Play an instrument: used to play piano (like good rittle asian girl) tried picking up the electric geetar..didnt happen

// series six - in the past month, did/have you
-- Drank alcohol: yes
-- Smoke(d): yah
-- Done a drug: isnt alcohol a drug?
-- Have Sex: nope
-- Made Out: yes
-- Gone on a date: yes
-- Gone to the mall?: yes
-- Eaten an entire box of Oreos: no. i don't eat cookies most of the time..
-- Eaten sushi: like 2 weeks ago
-- Been on stage: nope
-- Been dumped: hell no!
-- Gone skating: nope i lost my skateboard :(
-- Made homemade cookies: nope
-- Been in love: nahh
-- Gone skinny dipping: too cold!
-- Dyed your hair: nope
-- Stolen anything: nope

// series seven - have you ever
-- Played a game that required removal of clothing?:no but im open to it hehe
-- If so, was it mixed company: see above
-- Been trashed or extremely intoxicated: "i'm not drunk guys...i can walk in a straight line...look at me" HAHAHA i dont need to explain
-- Been caught "doing something": been there, done that
-- Gotten beaten up: when i was like 8 and my brother beat me up ahha
-- Changed who you were to fit in: in HS..*sad but true*

// series eight - the future
-- Age you hope to be married: of course! when i find my man ill make sure to grab tight onto him! hehe not happening anytime soon though
-- Numbers and Names of Children: too much too far
-- Describe your Dream Wedding: somewhere in hawaii..by the ocean...overlooking the sunset
-- How do you want to die: happily
-- Where you want to go to college: uhhh how old is the person who wrote this? im almost out, bitch!
-- What do you want to be when you grow up: me, myself, and I
-- What country would you most like to visit: Italy

// series nine - opposite sex
-- Best eye color?: light blue, blue, hazel, light brown
-- Best hair color?: dirty blonde
-- Short or long hair?: cant be longer than mine..no skin heads..spiked hair is cute :)
-- Best height: 5'10" - 6'
-- Best weight: lean, athletic build
-- Best articles of clothing: hooded sweatshirts, skater shoes..baggy jeans
-- Best first date location: someplace fun
-- Best first kiss location: somewhere near the beach

// series ten - number of
-- Number of girls I have kissed in my life:eww...dun wanna kiss GIRLS..big fat ZERO
-- Number of boys I have kissed: more than 1..less than 10 hehe
-- Number of drugs taken illegally: alcohol count?
-- Number of people I could trust with my life: can only depend on myself yo
-- Number of CDs that I own: way too many shitty ones..need to stop buying CDs
-- Number of piercings: ZERO, but a cool place would be my belly button
-- What are they: dont have ANY!
-- Number of tattoos: 0..a cool place would be on my lower back..would look sexy!
-- Number of times my name has appeared in the newspaper?: when i was younger..i was in the paper for tennis shit
-- Number of scars on my body: one on my forehead..but i dont think u can see it that well..theres other ones but i dont know where!
-- Number of things in my past that I regret: dont look back, always look forward

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