For all of this I'm better off without you (krazykwezy) wrote,
For all of this I'm better off without you
krazykwezy

ffaaackk..

I love it how i seem to catch every virus thats going around..im sick *again* this time my glands are all swollen, and im sure there will be lots of nasal drainage within the next couple of days..not sure how i got this illness..it seems like its "circulating" around everywhere anyway...my boss has it, my friends have it, my bros gf had it..couldve been a combo of all of them..anyhoo..

I think i have the "winter blues" just this past week, ive been feeling extremely lonely/depressed/sad/frustrated with everything..school, work, friends, not having anyone to cuddle with :'( i know what yer thinking.."boo fucking hoo" well this is my journal, fucker, and im allowed to vent! It's gotten so bad that i was desperate enuff to resort to my ex and inevitably go back to square one..ehehe ill share the metaphor i was so eloquently describing to my roomate earlier tonight..

i was like "hooking up with my ex is like a metaphor to building this complicated and elaborate card house (made outta poker playing cards) that took soo long to build..and one wrong move can make it come crashing down. now how does this relate to my ex? well, for me, the past couple of months, i really dug deep within myself, and faced my true feelings of hurt/bittenerss/disappointment and like meticulously piecing together the house, card by card..i pieced together my strength to finally get over him and move on..now right now the card house is built, but its not solid..one swift move, and it willl all come crashing down..am i willing to let the card house come crashing down over just one stupid fling with my ex? I just feel empty right now, and want to reach out to ANYTHING that responds to me..i think its best to just wallow in my own misery and not cave into any type of temptation..its soo easy for me to do that next week considering no one will be at my house, and ill be all alone..

On the other hand, whos to say that my ex will even WANT to hook up with me?? maybe he doesnt see me the way he used to see me..im just goin on the assumption that he will always find me physically attractive..after all this time, maybe hes lost his attraction to me, who knows..all in all, i know that its probably a bad idea to go out with him even if i think im 100% over him..i need to just keep myself occupied and not become desperate and settle for ANYTHING....its hard to avoid the temptations when u feel like ur all alone though :(

*sigh*
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